Why doesn’t it matter any more? : )

Why doesn’t it matter any more? : )
To celebrate or curse it, I know not.
...Am I an idiot?
Some would amplify that.
Tears gush in and gush out;
I feel much more these days:
Compassion (just as I say that word
a current goes through me
and tickles my cheeks) is with me
Like never before (almost maudlin I am).

But then, why doesn’t it matter any more?
If I feel more, why do I feel not?
I apprehend this may be a black harbinger.
But, “Hush up!”, snub I,
For this could also be that self-sufficiency
That I have always desired.

It’s just denial: I think it still matters,
(Certainly not to the older extent)
But, slow-poisoned thus long, I haven’t
The heart to admit it.

I see a glimmer of sunshine:
A possibility that could give me acceptance.
May it work, though, for else,
Escape will be very hard to battle.






16.01.06